Making the best of the next two years

Author on Fire

10965_176068131255_846104_nI had it in my head that my publishing company (http://www.americastarbooks.com) and I had a five year contract; nope – seems we have a SEVEN  year contract so my book is available for 2 more years.

So far, from the economic view of things, it’s been an abysmal failure, selling virtually no copies to anyone other than myself and no royalties have been collected on it at all. It’s been very successful in the way that people that I know have received and read it. Some liked it; others found it dry and boring; ironic since I haven’t found most of my life either dry OR boring and this books is, at least in part, about my life. But whatever. Everyone’s a critic, right?

Anyway, like I said, I have 2 more years to revamp this thing and finish my current work, a continuation of View from within the Spirit (http://www.americastarbooks.net/view-from-within-the-spirit_moreinfo.html). It will be called Tested in the Spirit. I’m striving to make it better than the first and my sister, probably my greatest ally AND critic (who didn’t really like VFTS) likes this one, said it’s not dry at all. homer_woohoo

Can you help me? Can you help me by  buying my book? I’d sure appreciate it! BTW, it’s also available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/View-Within-Spirit-HiJoy/dp/1615465294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415806251&sr=8-1&keywords=view+from+within+the+spirit) for about $20 while America Star Books’ price, as you might guess, is more ($24.95).

Author on Fire

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Fans Demanded Dumb & Dumber Sequel, Stars Say

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hijoy:

I loved the first and both these comedians are amazing. Can’t wait to see Lloyd and Harry again!

Originally posted on TIME:

LOS ANGELES — Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels made another “Dumb & Dumber” film because fans asked for it, and the two actors said making the sequel was more fun than working on the 1994 original.

“We were kind of just meeting each other as we were doing the first one,” Daniels said in a recent interview. “You got two different acting styles going on — is it going to even work? And the first one, we guessed right, and it did …

“Now it’s just a lot easier. We know more, we know what’s funny, we know the two characters well — all the stuff we didn’t know in the first one we already know in the second one, so we just get to do it again, only we hope better.”

“And we were blood doping,” Carrey added. “So that made it easier.”

Daniels and Carrey reprise their roles…

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The Impossible is Happening

hijoy:

Come & See : -) Everyone needs a place to hide away from time to time!

Originally posted on Beautiful Life with Cancer:

All the lonely people gather here.

The worst of sinners welcome.

Sick people stand in line.  Deaf and dumb and blind.

Do not listen if you are rich.

Do not bother if you are wise.

The talented, the healthy, and the beautiful.

No need for your attendance.

He has come for those in need.

Those that have no home.

If you find yourself low and despicable, hated, and odd.

He’s come to do the impossible.

Bow on your knees.  And run to the son of God.

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The Church’s Role in Homelessness

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I have noticed a pronounced elevation in spiritual conversation, with spiritual subjects (such as a 90 year old man going to jail because he broke man’s law and fed the homeless (God’s law)), his defiance making the news, even getting “promoted” on late night television shows. This is an example of comedians making a point – as humorously as possible (and yes, it cracked me up, too).

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But, think about it, when Jesus was on earth, was he famous everywhere? Or was he famous only in places where he could provide someone with a meal, with healing, with raising from the dead? If he hadn’t been able to do any of those things, we’d have never heard anything from or about him – ever.

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We need to retrain our brain; find our peace with regards to what we believe and whom and gear our mentality around that, not with a closed mind as so many churches do, allowing the government to tell them what they can and can not preach. What they can and cannot do with their churches, etc. The church is suppose to be akin to an EMT or Firefighter- on call and ready to respond to whatever crisis arises. The church’s responsibility is to put their words into practice, not for tax breaks and to be seen of men, but to take care of a problem that’s only getting worse as everyone fights about whose responsibility is ISN’T. If people weren’t sitting around hungry and cold, it’d be no big deal having churches full of people every week, preaching to each other; however, that’s not the case. There are hungry people. Feed them.  There are homeless people. Shelter them and find a way to get them on their feet, starting with the ones who are willing and ready to  help you help them. Children should have a home. Stop being so lazy and apathetic and do what you need to do. Stop worrying about the cost. Don’t you think that God will give you what you need if you’re doing what He told you to do? Besides, the reward far outweighs the cost, no matter how expensive it gets (and there are rich Christians so put your money where your mouths are). There shouldn’t be mega churches when there are so many people needing help, so if you have one, I expect to see the homeless population drop and if it doesn’t, then you’re not doing your job.

Yeah, I know. Who am I am why do I feel I can talk to anyone like this. My name is Heidi. I can’t do much, I’m too (financially) broke, but I can run my mouth like anyone can and I have the spirit of God in me and a lot of time to think about stuff. So, this is what I think about, how to make the church better, from WITHIN because it’s a fact that our own worst enemies are usually ourselves. I have to use the skills and talents God gave me, too, or I can’t say anything to anyone.

This is what I want you to think about:  is this contrast right – and how can you fix it ?

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or

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More importantly, which one do you think God sees as first? Why could you not join them together (combine) so that people are no longer homeless and the buildings are put to actual good use?

Can I get some feedback?

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Hello, everyone! giphyI’ve been being told for some time now that it’s time for me to write a new book. This one is for the purpose of reaching those that society tends to forget, i.e., those without money, influence, hope.

I’ve only written one book; uh actually make that PUBLISHED one book, View from Within the Spirit and frankly, although it was important for me to do it (no one can take away the fact I was/am published), it basically went over like a lead balloon. lead balloon

I’m a thinking person. I’m a person of little self esteem though its not BAD self esteem. This is to say that I realize I have intrinsic value. I think that a word I could use in describing myself is self effacing. I’m one of those weird people who are extremely aware of themselves, having been homeless a lot and therefore had lots of time to self evaluate. Having done so, combined with the love and leadership of my mate and husband, I’ve come to recognize the good side of myself – and the bad. I have trouble thinking too much of myself because I’m so aware that thinking too much of myself is tantamount to arrogance and one can’t be humble and arrogant at the same time.

Now that my husband, Raphael, who was horribly injured in a car accident 3 months ago (at the same time our son was killed) is disabled, I have shitloads of time on my hands. I can’t go out and find work because I’m full time caregiver to him and I can’t just sit around all day and do nothing, having been working since I was “knee-high to a grasshopper”. So I write- or would if I could just remove the barrier that’s standing in front of me.

What barrier you might ask? Why the one brought about from a life of being me, a pathetic childhood, my own being Heidi and who knows why else. Unfortunately, that’s the best way I can define it. If I could be more definitive, I would be.

Which brings me right back to the point of writing this blog. I’d love some feedback, given there are so many writers in here.

What’s the best way to do it? Should I write it as non fiction? Should it be fiction so that it’s more interesting to people. Sermons are boring (who here has gone to church and ended up going to sleep through yet another sermon?) while tales are moderately more interesting and can be just as informative.

I welcome your input, for real. I thank you for your help.

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I Miss You, Ish

163964_10151330205586256_63114518_n  I miss you, Ish. Every day when I wake up, I expect to see your face looking at me, lying next to me, and when you’re still not there I grab your pillow- the one you wrote on- and hug it to my chest, pushing it to my nose like I do to capture any smell of you that might exist. This morning was no different. I sit and look at pictures of you and the art you completed in preschool and I wish you were still here.

Your Daddy is healing physically. He cries for you a lot. It’s really hard not having you here. Your Aunt Joanna and cousins are planning to move out here to Colorado once their school year is out. Claymore took your death really hard. They all know; some understand better than others. Michael and you were the same age, pretty much so I don’t think he understands but Trevalyn and Shalandria know as well.

299147_10150316549316256_1843186379_nWhen I focus on your face, mentally, I can almost feel you close enough to touch. I remember how it felt to hug you and want it again; for you to be in my arms again, so badly!!

I don’t know why this happened, sweetheart. Why you and Daddy were hit. Why you were killed. Why Daddy was so badly hurt. I don’t know why God allowed you to live only five and a half years. Maybe He’ll tell me some day.

I love you, Baby Boy.  Most days I manage to get through. I laugh and joke and talk to people. I think of you all the time. I’m disappointed you never got to meet Karl and Katrina, your brother and sister. A thousand times a day things happen that make me want you to be around to see and learn. Daddy and I must utter “Ish would have…” ten times a day.

I know you’re with God now. We’re on our way; don’t know how long it’ll be but Daddy and I will see your amazing face again. I’ll never say Goodbye to you, only See you soon.

I love you forever,

Your Momma

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**When God Called You**

We little knew that morning

God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly.

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone,

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories.

Your love is still our guide.

And though we cannot see you,

You are always by our side.

Our family chain is broken.

Nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one

The chain will link again

-  Ron Tranmer

Grief and Moving Forward

Life can change fast, can’t it? You will likely understand why I ask this as you read. Please give me some room and forgive any errors I have made. Thanks so much <3

Been thinking over my “writing career” for a few days lately. My brain is tired; I have imminent time on my hand as I spend 99% of my day at home with my husband. Three months ago (has it really been that long), my son and husband were walking  home from the store while I was at work (the first real paying job I’d gotten since I came here to Colorado in 2012).

Mom and Ish Ishy Daddy and Ish

Thirty minutes after I got home at 10:30 pm., two police officers and a bunch of grief counselor people showed up at my door and informed me that my husband was in surgery and my baby (5) was dead. As anyone would, I freaked out and screamed and cried for maybe 15 minutes. They wanted to take me to the hospital so I called everyone I knew, snapped into practical mode and for the next 2 weeks, dealt with Raphael in a medical coma for the first 6 days of his hospitalization (unaware of Ish’s passing), setting up the funeral arrangements, and all the other things I had to do. Friends surrounded me and helped me set up funds for living and strangers came out of the woodwork to help make sure I ate and then I had to move to another apartment so that Raphael could eventually come home (wheelchair bound). His entire right side was tore up from his shoulder which was badly broken to his leg which had to be amputated below the knee.

It is now months after our sweet child died. Raphael’s physical being is healing up. He’s about ready to start physical therapy and eventually to be fitted for a prosthesis. Emotionally, we’re hanging in there as well. Some days, we’re almost normal; other days, it’s nearly impossible to get out of bed. Not having my Ishaq around; the thought of facing another day without that amazing boy, is more than I can bear, but I have to move forward. I have to be the strong one right now, though Raphael is always in my corner is very sensitive to me.

Now that things are evening out, I am thinking ahead to where I need to earn a living, some kind of way. With taking care of Raphael day and night, I need to find a way to earn a living, preferably out of the home. Writing is what I want to do but alas, I fear the spark is gone. Maybe it’s fear; maybe it’s God saying I’m not meant to write; maybe it’s fear (oh, I think I said that; must be true!). Can I write? What direction do I want to take my work? Am I delusional to think I have stuff in my soul that others might want to read? I don’t know. I guess time will tell. I have a whole lifetime, minus my third and youngest child, to try to make the rest of my life mean something and honor the little boy who filled his father and my life so meaningful. He’s missed so much!! As to my writing? Only God knows (literally) whether or not I’m supposed to write or even if I CAN write.

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