If I walked into the middle of the street, naked, would you notice me then?

I have been trying to find a way to get attention. Yeah, I said it…I need attention like a cab driver needs a fare; like a surgeon needs a patient; like we need God.

From what I’ve observed over the last few years, there are two primary way to accomplish this goal: there’s the legal, straight-as-an-arrow-method or there’s the point-a-gun-and-demand-your-money-now-approach. The latter is (obviously) illegal as  hell but highly effective, particularly if you aren’t caught within the next five minutes. As I have been, for 40 years, I tend to cling to option number one; I have two things that keep me from following after option number two: a super sensitive conscience and a healthy fear of that small a room. sam and dean in  jail I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, particularly in these end days, but the ones who walk the straight and narrow- usually fall by the wayside. In this day and age, if you don’t have connections or money- you don’t get seen. You could walk into the road, stark naked and people would just continue to go about their lives, either angrily honking their horns and swerving or perhaps start throwing money for  me to PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON, DEAR LORD!

The rest of the day they’d be wailing, “I’m bliiiiiiiiiiiiind, I’m bliiiiiiiiiiiind!”  I'm blindGetting into 20 car pile ups and walking into walls! 

car pileups

 hitting the wall

I’m an author and a writer; I have been both for a long time; long before my book was published, but not long enough for anyone to notice or, frankly, for me to develop the self esteem or killer instinct needed to be a good salesman. I started out in school, writing stories and such, like almost anyone who’s ever attended school. And I loved it! I found a wonderful outlet for my inner turmoil. And I’ve been writing ever since. I never thought that  I would ever be able to publish a book – I simply never considered it because I thought I wasn’t “good enough”. My husband told me I should try to publish my memoir, View from Within the Spirit, and so I did; first I tried New York Literary Agency and they liked the book. Viewfromwithinthespirit  After a period of time and no one bought it, they sent it back and I started the process again. Someone told me about Publish America on Face Book and I went to them. The creating of the book, binding, cover, etc., was done by PA; the selling – getting people  to buy it – was up to me and without a person to help, I SEE myself as a hopeless failure, though my husband totally disagrees and says I ought not to feel or see that way;that the book got to whom it needed to: friends, relatives, etc. I’ve never known him to be wrong  about this kind of thing so I guess it’s ME that needs the work and the patience. I just hope that God opens the door for it to be read, bought and bring in a royalty to help us out before we end up homeless yet again. Naturally, the primary question is WHY SHOULD I BUY FROM YOU and truth be told, there isn’t a reason in the world that you should…But I still hope you will. Hell, you have $20 to go to the movie, you can buy this book (through Amazon). You spend more than that on a bikini wax and this book might just tell you something that you need to know, the information or ideas far beyond anything you can get thinking only of earthly, temporary stuff; give you an idea on how to live that you never considered before. 

I hate selling because I hate pissing contests and you can’t have one without the other. I hate selling because I am just a poor woman, blessed with an incredible family and all I want to do is provide for them; give them a safe place to live and room to run around in. I’m not trying to get rich- could care less about that- wealth has it’s own drawbacks. I’m just trying to provide, that is all.

 Daddy and Ish   

Ishy 

Mom and Ish

I tend to be a self beater.  Self BeatingNot in the physical sense;  in the emotional and psychological sense.Hitler, Mussolini, neither of these men am I (thank God, right?!). They might have been (what we deem to be) evil incarnate, but it wasn’t for a lack of people-power but rather misused powers of persuasion. I don’t have that problem. From the time I could stand, talk, form sentences, I’ve always blended in. When I was child, my sister and I were in foster care. She’s  15 months younger than I am and I was always her protector.  As I grew older, I came to see that “attention” was overrated and started to retreat into myself. I was already getting “disciplined” <i.e. spanked with an inch-thick metal ruler> for sins that I might or might not be guilty of, depending on what it was and I have a very low threshold for pain so NOT being seen was better than BEING seen. As a result of being a foster kid, then an adopted kid with very little ability or permission to vent or release pent-up emotion, I learned to be a “wall flower”. I’m not even 100% sure that’s a bad thing; I only know it won’t help me when  it comes to selling my book(s). I know I have talent-convincing others of it is what the problem is. I don’t stand out in any particular way. Maybe this is destiny; maybe it’s just the way it is but I’ll never know unless I try. I have two primary things in my favor: I’m a child of God, fully assured of my salvation even though I don’t deserve it and I’m stubborn as hell. When I decide to do something, I’ll keep doing it, visible rewards or not. 

I’ll end this with a dare: I dare you to visit my webpage and sign the guestbook…I really do dare you. I will get back a hold of you, I promise. http://hijoyhameed.webs.com/ is the address.  See you there! I-Love_U1

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About hijoy

I have been married to my best friend, Raphael for 10 years. I have two children, Karl and Katrina, (released for adoption in 1999, now 19 and 15, respectively) and Ishaq Shalom, 5 deceased as of July 8, 2014. I am 41 years old. I am a published author, View from Within the Spirit is my first book. In addition, I am a volunteer as well as a blogger and cannabis proponent. I look forward to getting to know you and pray that I make an impact in your life as well.

3 responses to “If I walked into the middle of the street, naked, would you notice me then?”

  1. zetameble says :

    Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst you amend your website,
    how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me
    a acceptable deal. I have been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided vibrant transparent concept

    • hijoy says :

      Thanks, Zeta. Appreciate that. I don’t know how I can help you but I’ll certainly try in any way I can. I maintain this one as well as 3 others. You ever need anything and I can help, send me a message.

    • hijoy says :

      BTW, Zeta, if you want a Word Press site, just go to http://www.wordpress.com and fill out the required fields. If you need help beyond that, I’ll get you the info you need. You can reach me easiest at hhameed@oimco.org as I’m at work during the week, volunteering. Social networking is the majority of my daily work as I promote the nonprofit I work/volunteer at on it’s own blog (Overcomers International Ministry ) on Word Press.

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