If I walked into the middle of the street, naked, would you notice me then?
I have been trying to find a way to get attention. Yeah, I said it…I need attention like a cab driver needs a fare; like a surgeon needs a patient; like we need God.
From what I’ve observed over the last few years, there are two primary way to accomplish this goal: there’s the legal, straight-as-an-arrow-method or there’s the point-a-gun-and-demand-your-money-now-approach. The latter is (obviously) illegal as hell but highly effective, particularly if you aren’t caught within the next five minutes. As I have been, for 40 years, I tend to cling to option number one; I have two things that keep me from following after option number two: a super sensitive conscience and a healthy fear of that small a room. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, particularly in these end days, but the ones who walk the straight and narrow- usually fall by the wayside. In this day and age, if you don’t have connections or money- you don’t get seen. You could walk into the road, stark naked and people would just continue to go about their lives, either angrily honking their horns and swerving or perhaps start throwing money for me to PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON, DEAR LORD!
I’m an author and a writer; I have been both for a long time; long before my book was published, but not long enough for anyone to notice or, frankly, for me to develop the self esteem or killer instinct needed to be a good salesman. I started out in school, writing stories and such, like almost anyone who’s ever attended school. And I loved it! I found a wonderful outlet for my inner turmoil. And I’ve been writing ever since. I never thought that I would ever be able to publish a book – I simply never considered it because I thought I wasn’t “good enough”. My husband told me I should try to publish my memoir, View from Within the Spirit, and so I did; first I tried New York Literary Agency and they liked the book. After a period of time and no one bought it, they sent it back and I started the process again. Someone told me about Publish America on Face Book and I went to them. The creating of the book, binding, cover, etc., was done by PA; the selling – getting people to buy it – was up to me and without a person to help, I SEE myself as a hopeless failure, though my husband totally disagrees and says I ought not to feel or see that way;that the book got to whom it needed to: friends, relatives, etc. I’ve never known him to be wrong about this kind of thing so I guess it’s ME that needs the work and the patience. I just hope that God opens the door for it to be read, bought and bring in a royalty to help us out before we end up homeless yet again. Naturally, the primary question is WHY SHOULD I BUY FROM YOU and truth be told, there isn’t a reason in the world that you should…But I still hope you will. Hell, you have $20 to go to the movie, you can buy this book (through Amazon). You spend more than that on a bikini wax and this book might just tell you something that you need to know, the information or ideas far beyond anything you can get thinking only of earthly, temporary stuff; give you an idea on how to live that you never considered before.
I hate selling because I hate pissing contests and you can’t have one without the other. I hate selling because I am just a poor woman, blessed with an incredible family and all I want to do is provide for them; give them a safe place to live and room to run around in. I’m not trying to get rich- could care less about that- wealth has it’s own drawbacks. I’m just trying to provide, that is all.
I tend to be a self beater. Not in the physical sense; in the emotional and psychological sense.Hitler, Mussolini, neither of these men am I (thank God, right?!). They might have been (what we deem to be) evil incarnate, but it wasn’t for a lack of people-power but rather misused powers of persuasion. I don’t have that problem. From the time I could stand, talk, form sentences, I’ve always blended in. When I was child, my sister and I were in foster care. She’s 15 months younger than I am and I was always her protector. As I grew older, I came to see that “attention” was overrated and started to retreat into myself. I was already getting “disciplined” <i.e. spanked with an inch-thick metal ruler> for sins that I might or might not be guilty of, depending on what it was and I have a very low threshold for pain so NOT being seen was better than BEING seen. As a result of being a foster kid, then an adopted kid with very little ability or permission to vent or release pent-up emotion, I learned to be a “wall flower”. I’m not even 100% sure that’s a bad thing; I only know it won’t help me when it comes to selling my book(s). I know I have talent-convincing others of it is what the problem is. I don’t stand out in any particular way. Maybe this is destiny; maybe it’s just the way it is but I’ll never know unless I try. I have two primary things in my favor: I’m a child of God, fully assured of my salvation even though I don’t deserve it and I’m stubborn as hell. When I decide to do something, I’ll keep doing it, visible rewards or not.
I’ll end this with a dare: I dare you to visit my webpage and sign the guestbook…I really do dare you. I will get back a hold of you, I promise. http://hijoyhameed.webs.com/ is the address. See you there!