I Miss You, Ish

163964_10151330205586256_63114518_n  I miss you, Ish. Every day when I wake up, I expect to see your face looking at me, lying next to me, and when you’re still not there I grab your pillow- the one you wrote on- and hug it to my chest, pushing it to my nose like I do to capture any smell of you that might exist. This morning was no different. I sit and look at pictures of you and the art you completed in preschool and I wish you were still here.

Your Daddy is healing physically. He cries for you a lot. It’s really hard not having you here. Your Aunt Joanna and cousins are planning to move out here to Colorado once their school year is out. Claymore took your death really hard. They all know; some understand better than others. Michael and you were the same age, pretty much so I don’t think he understands but Trevalyn and Shalandria know as well.

299147_10150316549316256_1843186379_nWhen I focus on your face, mentally, I can almost feel you close enough to touch. I remember how it felt to hug you and want it again; for you to be in my arms again, so badly!!

I don’t know why this happened, sweetheart. Why you and Daddy were hit. Why you were killed. Why Daddy was so badly hurt. I don’t know why God allowed you to live only five and a half years. Maybe He’ll tell me some day.

I love you, Baby Boy.  Most days I manage to get through. I laugh and joke and talk to people. I think of you all the time. I’m disappointed you never got to meet Karl and Katrina, your brother and sister. A thousand times a day things happen that make me want you to be around to see and learn. Daddy and I must utter “Ish would have…” ten times a day.

I know you’re with God now. We’re on our way; don’t know how long it’ll be but Daddy and I will see your amazing face again. I’ll never say Goodbye to you, only See you soon.

I love you forever,

Your Momma

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1743470_10151943470656256_3733660930716816925_n

**When God Called You**

We little knew that morning

God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly.

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone,

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories.

Your love is still our guide.

And though we cannot see you,

You are always by our side.

Our family chain is broken.

Nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one

The chain will link again

–  Ron Tranmer

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About hijoy

I have been married to my best friend, Raphael for 10 years. I have two children, Karl and Katrina, (released for adoption in 1999, now 19 and 15, respectively) and Ishaq Shalom, 5 deceased as of July 8, 2014. I am 41 years old. I am a published author, View from Within the Spirit is my first book. In addition, I am a volunteer as well as a blogger and cannabis proponent. I look forward to getting to know you and pray that I make an impact in your life as well.

2 responses to “I Miss You, Ish”

  1. Laura Jones says :

    Sending my love to you and your family, stay strong x

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