July 8, 2015 will be one year since you left us, Ish. A lot of stuff has changed in the last year – and surprisingly little at the same time. If you were here, you would know exactly what I mean, despite your young age, as you would be 6 years old as of last December. You would have started school this year. I always wondered why my gut didn’t tell me it was time to start preparing you for your start in kindegarden – now I know that God knew you would not be here.
Your dad is healing, as you know. He’s healing every day. We both miss you but he’s more…emotional about it than I tend to be though I miss you just as much. We have a “Wall of Ish” in our new apartment – you’d love this apartment – so much more room for you to Tigger-bounce around in.
I’m sure you remember these – you completed them in preschool and I wish I had you around to watch you learn more and more about the planets you were clearly interested in – and you had such potential. God, Ishy, though I would NOT bring you back even if I could – and in many ways, envy you already having passed this life and graduated into your new home, I still miss you so much. I trust you are taking care of Jude and visiting with your grandpa who, though never having had anything to do with you while you were alive, has likely reached a new level of understanding far surpassing my own. While you were on earth, you had nothing – and you had everything. You really ever had one home, as we moved around a lot and were homeless often, but you had two parents who would both have happily have lain down dead for you. We did our best, taught you right, didn’t let you get away with just any old thing. You were so smart, honey. We miss you every day.
I walk past your memorial site all the time. It’s still right there, where you died. There are 2 giant bears and two smaller ones. People come by all the time; I know because I can see when they’re changed around or set back up or whatever. Ishy, though you didn’t meet too many people, you made people love you. Not hard at all, my son – very easy, in fact. The lady who sent you to heaven is in a program for felons called COMCOR. We’ve gone to her family’s house and broke bread. We’ve spent time together with her son who was about a year younger than you. You and he and his cousin would all have been wonderful friends.
Daddy and I haven’t changed all that much. Our way of life has, I guess, but our attitudes are much the same; we still like spending time together talking like we always have since we met.
I can’t wait to come home, Ish. I can’t wait to spend time with you in your current form as I know it will be different by the time we see each other again. I still hope to meet you brother, Karl, and your sister, Katrina, again once they try to find me and I still believe they will.
I will see you soon, honey. Keep a spot open for me and Daddy.
All my love,
I had it in my head that my publishing company (http://www.americastarbooks.com) and I had a five year contract; nope – seems we have a SEVEN year contract so my book is available for 2 more years.
So far, from the economic view of things, it’s been an abysmal failure, selling virtually no copies to anyone other than myself and no royalties have been collected on it at all. It’s been very successful in the way that people that I know have received and read it. Some liked it; others found it dry and boring; ironic since I haven’t found most of my life either dry OR boring and this books is, at least in part, about my life. But whatever. Everyone’s a critic, right?
Anyway, like I said, I have 2 more years to revamp this thing and finish my current work, a continuation of View from within the Spirit (http://www.americastarbooks.net/view-from-within-the-spirit_moreinfo.html). It will be called Tested in the Spirit. I’m striving to make it better than the first and my sister, probably my greatest ally AND critic (who didn’t really like VFTS) likes this one, said it’s not dry at all.
Can you help me? Can you help me by buying my book? I’d sure appreciate it! BTW, it’s also available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/View-Within-Spirit-HiJoy/dp/1615465294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415806251&sr=8-1&keywords=view+from+within+the+spirit) for about $20 while America Star Books’ price, as you might guess, is more ($24.95).
This morning as I sat on the bench, waiting for the bus, I looked around me and thought about the day I was facing, sitting here in Colorado Springs, looking at the Rocky Mountains.
As always, when I look at those mountains, not that far away from me, I realize yet again how much I love this place. See, as a lot of you know who’ve read my stuff, I’ve moved around a lot! I’ve been from the east to the west and back to the middle. I’ve lived in various towns in each state, especially Iowa, but you know? I find that aside from Maine where I lived as a child and still hold in high esteem because of whatever reason, I like – no, make that LOVE – Colorado. It’s beautiful. It’s peaceful (yes, of course they have crime here but thus far, I’ve managed to escape any physical harm that could come to me or my family- thank you to my God who holds me in the palm of his hand) and I could easily live out the rest of my days right here in Colorado.
And another thing that passed through my mind is how much he loves me…how much he loves YOU! I remember the old “I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much” when we were kids and seeing our own kids do it and you know what? I think that’s what God’s trying to say to us.
Yes, he hates sin and injustice- no question- but he also loves righteousness and people with neighborly hearts. He loves it when we put ourselves to the side and reach out to people who need a hand up. God has a passion for us- far above what we could ever ask or think. When Jesus came to earth to live a life for us to learn from and take those lessons to live our own lives, He did that so that we would never have to face what he was going to face FOR us. We, as human beings, even as human beings perhaps raised in the church can and will never fully understand this concept because our biggest fear might be dying of cancer, getting chewed up and spit out of farm machinery and those things might be excruciating at the onset but they are temporary pain that will end and be remembered no more; the pain that Jesus dealt with was a direct result of himself- a righteous man – taking on the punishment of millions, perhaps trillions of people, the vast majority of whom would not even appreciate -or care- what he did for them. That totally blows my mind. THAT’s LOVE, ya’ll. It’s not some squishy feeling and fast beating heart…it’s the knowledge that our HUSBAND, who is the Lord, paid the ULTIMATE sacrifice for us so that we would be granted “diplomatic immunity”.
For our human understanding, it would be tantamount to our lawyer going to prison for us…that’s such an amazing thought.
And he wants you to know; he’s caused me to know that he did it for YOU. He did it for ME. Doesn’t MATTER if we believe it; doesn’t matter if we ever do anything about the knowledge; it happened whether or not we believe. He did it because he wanted to do it, because it was part of THE PLAN.
Ok, well, I’ve run on long enough and you know I could escape an opportunity to put Dean and Sammy on here if I could get away with it. Gotta feed the addiction cause I LOVE my Supernaturaland find it to be one of the most awesome shows EVER!!
Ok, you decide- what are the odds? Before you answer, you might want to know what I’m talking about.
This afternoon I shared my friend Khanchuz-Leo’s music because it rocks (it’s Spiritual Hip Hip, actually)! You know how things go when you’re lost in You Tube world-find one track..leads to another and so on. Anyway, my search and listening of his music reminded me of another friend whom we met who makes similar music, also in California. His name is Keith “Fathomus” Cross and he’s amazing-Raphael and I met him on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica one evening when we were at Samoshel, the shelter that we (Raphael and I) met at. We had $5 so we bought his CD- Parable of the Fig Tree: Sustenence.
Anyway, I googled him (cause isn’t Google one of the greatest sites in the world?!) and this is what appeared on the page. Check out this link:
Now I hope you will open it and see because I have been trying to copy and paste the page so you didn’t have to but, unfortunately, I’m not quite that tech savvy yet.
What is amazing about it is that ad advertisement for my book, available through Amazon is there above the title tracks of his CD which is totally amazing!
I was so surprised, I called and told Raphael because when we met Fathomus, it was 2005 and I didn’t write and publish my book (View from Within the Spirit) until 2009. At the time we met I hadn’t even thought SERIOUSLY about writing a book and to my knowledge, Fathomus doesn’t know I’m an author, if he even remembers me at all!
To tell the honest truth, I’m not even sure why I need to write a blog about it…but I don’t believe in coincidence, as I said, and I feel there might be a link here, something that God’s got working that I can’t even see.
I guess we will find out!!
Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace and good will towards men!