Tag Archive | Angels

It’s been almost a year, Ishy

July 8, 2015 will be one year since you left us, Ish. A lot of stuff has changed in the last year – and surprisingly little at the same time. If you were here, you would know exactly what I mean, despite your young age, as you would be 6 years old as of last December. You would have started school this year. I always wondered why my gut didn’t tell me it was time to start  preparing you for your start in kindegarden – now I know that God knew you would not be here.

Your dad is healing, as you know. He’s WP_20150210_10_04_09_Pro healing every day. We both miss you but he’s more…emotional about it than I tend to be though I miss you just as much. We have a “Wall of Ish” in our new apartment – you’d love this apartment – so much more room for you to Tigger-bounce around in.




WallofIshaq44 I’m sure you remember these – you completed them in preschool and I wish I had you around to watch you learn more and more about the planets you were clearly interested in – and you had such potential. God, Ishy, though I would NOT bring you back even if I could – and in many ways, envy you already having passed this life and graduated into your new home, I still miss you so much. I trust you are taking care of Jude and visiting with your grandpa who, though never having had anything to do with you while you were alive, has likely reached a new level of understanding far surpassing my own. While you were on earth, you had nothing – and you had everything. You really ever had one home, as we moved around a lot and were homeless often, but you had two parents who would both have happily have lain down dead for you. We did our best, taught you right, didn’t let you get away with just any old thing. You were so smart, honey. We miss you every day.


You and me in Chico, California on a hot summer’s day (hence the heightened darkness) in front of the book store we went to for the purpose of accessing the Internet.


Also in Chico, at the park. This is a picture I created with you and Daddy long before you went to be with God. So glad I still have it.


You laying in the leaves at Aunt Joanna’s house in Iowa City, IA, you playing with Shay, your cousin.


One of few family pictures we have from our time in northern California, this one at that motel we stayed at for months. You remember- you locked yourself in and sat there laughing at us while Daddy climbed in tiny little window to get to you. LOL You were really something, my son.


You sitting on my bad at the Torres Shelter in Chico, CA, working on your letters and numbers. You were so smart, Ishy.


You sitting on the bed pretending my remote was a phone. You were sucha little card. 😉

I walk past your memorial site all the time. It’s still right there, where you died. There are 2 giant bears and two smaller ones. People come by all the time; I know because I can see when they’re changed around or set back up or whatever. Ishy, though you didn’t meet too many people, you made people love you. Not hard at all, my son – very easy, in fact.10421279_10152696447426256_1167706044977691652_n The lady who sent you to heaven is in a program for felons called COMCOR. We’ve gone to her family’s house and broke bread. We’ve spent time together with her son who was about a year younger than you. You and he and his cousin would all have been wonderful friends.

Daddy and I haven’t changed all that much. Our way of life has, I guess, but our attitudes are much the same; we still like spending time together talking like we always have since we met.

I can’t wait to come home, Ish. I can’t wait to spend time with you in your current form as I know it will be different by the time we see each other again. I still hope to meet you brother, Karl, and your sister, Katrina, again once they try to find me and I still believe they will.

I will see you soon, honey. Keep a spot open for me and Daddy.


All my love,

Your Momma


Making the best of the next two years

10965_176068131255_846104_nI had it in my head that my publishing company (http://www.americastarbooks.com) and I had a five year contract; nope – seems we have a SEVEN  year contract so my book is available for 2 more years.

So far, from the economic view of things, it’s been an abysmal failure, selling virtually no copies to anyone other than myself and no royalties have been collected on it at all. It’s been very successful in the way that people that I know have received and read it. Some liked it; others found it dry and boring; ironic since I haven’t found most of my life either dry OR boring and this books is, at least in part, about my life. But whatever. Everyone’s a critic, right?

Anyway, like I said, I have 2 more years to revamp this thing and finish my current work, a continuation of View from within the Spirit (http://www.americastarbooks.net/view-from-within-the-spirit_moreinfo.html). It will be called Tested in the Spirit. I’m striving to make it better than the first and my sister, probably my greatest ally AND critic (who didn’t really like VFTS) likes this one, said it’s not dry at all. homer_woohoo

Can you help me? Can you help me by  buying my book? I’d sure appreciate it! BTW, it’s also available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/View-Within-Spirit-HiJoy/dp/1615465294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415806251&sr=8-1&keywords=view+from+within+the+spirit) for about $20 while America Star Books’ price, as you might guess, is more ($24.95).

Author on Fire

My Signature

The Church’s Role in Homelessness

I have noticed a pronounced elevation in spiritual conversation, with spiritual subjects (such as a 90 year old man going to jail because he broke man’s law and fed the homeless (God’s law)), his defiance making the news, even getting “promoted” on late night television shows. This is an example of comedians making a point – as humorously as possible (and yes, it cracked me up, too).


But, think about it, when Jesus was on earth, was he famous everywhere? Or was he famous only in places where he could provide someone with a meal, with healing, with raising from the dead? If he hadn’t been able to do any of those things, we’d have never heard anything from or about him – ever.


We need to retrain our brain; find our peace with regards to what we believe and whom and gear our mentality around that, not with a closed mind as so many churches do, allowing the government to tell them what they can and can not preach. What they can and cannot do with their churches, etc. The church is suppose to be akin to an EMT or Firefighter- on call and ready to respond to whatever crisis arises. The church’s responsibility is to put their words into practice, not for tax breaks and to be seen of men, but to take care of a problem that’s only getting worse as everyone fights about whose responsibility is ISN’T. If people weren’t sitting around hungry and cold, it’d be no big deal having churches full of people every week, preaching to each other; however, that’s not the case. There are hungry people. Feed them.  There are homeless people. Shelter them and find a way to get them on their feet, starting with the ones who are willing and ready to  help you help them. Children should have a home. Stop being so lazy and apathetic and do what you need to do. Stop worrying about the cost. Don’t you think that God will give you what you need if you’re doing what He told you to do? Besides, the reward far outweighs the cost, no matter how expensive it gets (and there are rich Christians so put your money where your mouths are). There shouldn’t be mega churches when there are so many people needing help, so if you have one, I expect to see the homeless population drop and if it doesn’t, then you’re not doing your job.

Yeah, I know. Who am I am why do I feel I can talk to anyone like this. My name is Heidi. I can’t do much, I’m too (financially) broke, but I can run my mouth like anyone can and I have the spirit of God in me and a lot of time to think about stuff. So, this is what I think about, how to make the church better, from WITHIN because it’s a fact that our own worst enemies are usually ourselves. I have to use the skills and talents God gave me, too, or I can’t say anything to anyone.

This is what I want you to think about:  is this contrast right – and how can you fix it ?




More importantly, which one do you think God sees as first? Why could you not join them together (combine) so that people are no longer homeless and the buildings are put to actual good use?


season 1

Way back in 2005, A television show came on that basically changed my life. It was called Supernatural and it was a show about two brothers, trained by their father, John Winchester, who travel across the United States killing demons, windigos, shape shifters, etc.  Yeah, sounds weird, right? But you know what? The actors were sensational, the story line compelling and I was like a bug being drawn to a lamp post – only in a non destructive way. No- this show was spiritual to me from the get-go.


The brothers,  Dean and Sam Winchester, played by Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, will stop at nothing to keep each other safe. Life has handed them a curse- their mother killed on the ceiling of their house; later Sammy’s girlfriend is killed in the same way. The culprit? Azazel the demon, then called “the yellow eyed demon”.


For the last 8 years, I have been watching this show. I think about it constantly. I reference it, meditate on it, add the pictures to my phone and desktop. Yeah- addicted I most definitely am.


I’ve struggled a little bit with this. We who serve God are not to have idols before us. To make sure I haven’t done this, I’ve made sure I’m connected with my Father. Some people might not think it’s a big deal- I’m not one of them. I love God. I love my brother, Yeshua. Though I don’t have to prove it to anyone, I want it said right out. We, who are human, have a million ways of justifying ourselves, our choices, ect. I try hard not to do that because we’re supposed to be more honest than that. God knows…MADE…our hearts and He is fully aware of what we do, how we do it, why we do it. As a result of being aware of this, I do my best to be faithful and true, though I slip all the time.

I want to lay out, as best as I can, what I love about this show and why it’s so…SPIRITUAL for me and I’m going to let them do it for me:

This scene made the hair stand up on my head:

This scene made me sob, because as the Bible says, “Greater love has no man than this…”

This scene made me cry because Dean reaps the consequences of a deal he struck:

This scene gave me hope because the story could now continue (very closely related to first scene mentioned)

***What I’ve added isn’t even the TIP of the iceberg where this fabulous story is concerned. Sammy getting addicted to demon blood, an unknown brother popping in- and out- of their lives, secrets,  mysteries, HUMOR (OMGosh this show is hilarious!), sadness, joy. As Season 9 approaches, I pray that it continues the way it’s gone for 8 seasons. Some of the content I’ve agreed with, some I have not. I have my own faith; I guess what speaks to me the loudest is that they aren’t afraid to go “there”. Demons, creatures that go bump in the night. Enochian books and letters. Angels assisting them in a totally righteous endeavor even if they fall apart and get back up. 

johnwinchester-2  SPN-supernatural-34649329-1280-800  Between Heaven and Earth Dean 2  Dean 3  Dean adn Sam Dean  My darling boys  Sam and Dean -Sam-and-Dean-the-winchesters-30653444-750-600