Tag Archive | Christian

It’s been almost a year, Ishy

July 8, 2015 will be one year since you left us, Ish. A lot of stuff has changed in the last year – and surprisingly little at the same time. If you were here, you would know exactly what I mean, despite your young age, as you would be 6 years old as of last December. You would have started school this year. I always wondered why my gut didn’t tell me it was time to start  preparing you for your start in kindegarden – now I know that God knew you would not be here.

Your dad is healing, as you know. He’s WP_20150210_10_04_09_Pro healing every day. We both miss you but he’s more…emotional about it than I tend to be though I miss you just as much. We have a “Wall of Ish” in our new apartment – you’d love this apartment – so much more room for you to Tigger-bounce around in.




WallofIshaq44 I’m sure you remember these – you completed them in preschool and I wish I had you around to watch you learn more and more about the planets you were clearly interested in – and you had such potential. God, Ishy, though I would NOT bring you back even if I could – and in many ways, envy you already having passed this life and graduated into your new home, I still miss you so much. I trust you are taking care of Jude and visiting with your grandpa who, though never having had anything to do with you while you were alive, has likely reached a new level of understanding far surpassing my own. While you were on earth, you had nothing – and you had everything. You really ever had one home, as we moved around a lot and were homeless often, but you had two parents who would both have happily have lain down dead for you. We did our best, taught you right, didn’t let you get away with just any old thing. You were so smart, honey. We miss you every day.


You and me in Chico, California on a hot summer’s day (hence the heightened darkness) in front of the book store we went to for the purpose of accessing the Internet.


Also in Chico, at the park. This is a picture I created with you and Daddy long before you went to be with God. So glad I still have it.


You laying in the leaves at Aunt Joanna’s house in Iowa City, IA, you playing with Shay, your cousin.


One of few family pictures we have from our time in northern California, this one at that motel we stayed at for months. You remember- you locked yourself in and sat there laughing at us while Daddy climbed in tiny little window to get to you. LOL You were really something, my son.


You sitting on my bad at the Torres Shelter in Chico, CA, working on your letters and numbers. You were so smart, Ishy.


You sitting on the bed pretending my remote was a phone. You were sucha little card. 😉

I walk past your memorial site all the time. It’s still right there, where you died. There are 2 giant bears and two smaller ones. People come by all the time; I know because I can see when they’re changed around or set back up or whatever. Ishy, though you didn’t meet too many people, you made people love you. Not hard at all, my son – very easy, in fact.10421279_10152696447426256_1167706044977691652_n The lady who sent you to heaven is in a program for felons called COMCOR. We’ve gone to her family’s house and broke bread. We’ve spent time together with her son who was about a year younger than you. You and he and his cousin would all have been wonderful friends.

Daddy and I haven’t changed all that much. Our way of life has, I guess, but our attitudes are much the same; we still like spending time together talking like we always have since we met.

I can’t wait to come home, Ish. I can’t wait to spend time with you in your current form as I know it will be different by the time we see each other again. I still hope to meet you brother, Karl, and your sister, Katrina, again once they try to find me and I still believe they will.

I will see you soon, honey. Keep a spot open for me and Daddy.


All my love,

Your Momma


Making the best of the next two years

10965_176068131255_846104_nI had it in my head that my publishing company (http://www.americastarbooks.com) and I had a five year contract; nope – seems we have a SEVEN  year contract so my book is available for 2 more years.

So far, from the economic view of things, it’s been an abysmal failure, selling virtually no copies to anyone other than myself and no royalties have been collected on it at all. It’s been very successful in the way that people that I know have received and read it. Some liked it; others found it dry and boring; ironic since I haven’t found most of my life either dry OR boring and this books is, at least in part, about my life. But whatever. Everyone’s a critic, right?

Anyway, like I said, I have 2 more years to revamp this thing and finish my current work, a continuation of View from within the Spirit (http://www.americastarbooks.net/view-from-within-the-spirit_moreinfo.html). It will be called Tested in the Spirit. I’m striving to make it better than the first and my sister, probably my greatest ally AND critic (who didn’t really like VFTS) likes this one, said it’s not dry at all. homer_woohoo

Can you help me? Can you help me by  buying my book? I’d sure appreciate it! BTW, it’s also available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/View-Within-Spirit-HiJoy/dp/1615465294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415806251&sr=8-1&keywords=view+from+within+the+spirit) for about $20 while America Star Books’ price, as you might guess, is more ($24.95).

Author on Fire

My Signature

The Church’s Role in Homelessness

I have noticed a pronounced elevation in spiritual conversation, with spiritual subjects (such as a 90 year old man going to jail because he broke man’s law and fed the homeless (God’s law)), his defiance making the news, even getting “promoted” on late night television shows. This is an example of comedians making a point – as humorously as possible (and yes, it cracked me up, too).


But, think about it, when Jesus was on earth, was he famous everywhere? Or was he famous only in places where he could provide someone with a meal, with healing, with raising from the dead? If he hadn’t been able to do any of those things, we’d have never heard anything from or about him – ever.


We need to retrain our brain; find our peace with regards to what we believe and whom and gear our mentality around that, not with a closed mind as so many churches do, allowing the government to tell them what they can and can not preach. What they can and cannot do with their churches, etc. The church is suppose to be akin to an EMT or Firefighter- on call and ready to respond to whatever crisis arises. The church’s responsibility is to put their words into practice, not for tax breaks and to be seen of men, but to take care of a problem that’s only getting worse as everyone fights about whose responsibility is ISN’T. If people weren’t sitting around hungry and cold, it’d be no big deal having churches full of people every week, preaching to each other; however, that’s not the case. There are hungry people. Feed them.  There are homeless people. Shelter them and find a way to get them on their feet, starting with the ones who are willing and ready to  help you help them. Children should have a home. Stop being so lazy and apathetic and do what you need to do. Stop worrying about the cost. Don’t you think that God will give you what you need if you’re doing what He told you to do? Besides, the reward far outweighs the cost, no matter how expensive it gets (and there are rich Christians so put your money where your mouths are). There shouldn’t be mega churches when there are so many people needing help, so if you have one, I expect to see the homeless population drop and if it doesn’t, then you’re not doing your job.

Yeah, I know. Who am I am why do I feel I can talk to anyone like this. My name is Heidi. I can’t do much, I’m too (financially) broke, but I can run my mouth like anyone can and I have the spirit of God in me and a lot of time to think about stuff. So, this is what I think about, how to make the church better, from WITHIN because it’s a fact that our own worst enemies are usually ourselves. I have to use the skills and talents God gave me, too, or I can’t say anything to anyone.

This is what I want you to think about:  is this contrast right – and how can you fix it ?




More importantly, which one do you think God sees as first? Why could you not join them together (combine) so that people are no longer homeless and the buildings are put to actual good use?

If I walked into the middle of the street, naked, would you notice me then?

I have been trying to find a way to get attention. Yeah, I said it…I need attention like a cab driver needs a fare; like a surgeon needs a patient; like we need God.

From what I’ve observed over the last few years, there are two primary way to accomplish this goal: there’s the legal, straight-as-an-arrow-method or there’s the point-a-gun-and-demand-your-money-now-approach. The latter is (obviously) illegal as  hell but highly effective, particularly if you aren’t caught within the next five minutes. As I have been, for 40 years, I tend to cling to option number one; I have two things that keep me from following after option number two: a super sensitive conscience and a healthy fear of that small a room. sam and dean in  jail I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, particularly in these end days, but the ones who walk the straight and narrow- usually fall by the wayside. In this day and age, if you don’t have connections or money- you don’t get seen. You could walk into the road, stark naked and people would just continue to go about their lives, either angrily honking their horns and swerving or perhaps start throwing money for  me to PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON, DEAR LORD!

The rest of the day they’d be wailing, “I’m bliiiiiiiiiiiiind, I’m bliiiiiiiiiiiind!”  I'm blindGetting into 20 car pile ups and walking into walls! 

car pileups

 hitting the wall

I’m an author and a writer; I have been both for a long time; long before my book was published, but not long enough for anyone to notice or, frankly, for me to develop the self esteem or killer instinct needed to be a good salesman. I started out in school, writing stories and such, like almost anyone who’s ever attended school. And I loved it! I found a wonderful outlet for my inner turmoil. And I’ve been writing ever since. I never thought that  I would ever be able to publish a book – I simply never considered it because I thought I wasn’t “good enough”. My husband told me I should try to publish my memoir, View from Within the Spirit, and so I did; first I tried New York Literary Agency and they liked the book. Viewfromwithinthespirit  After a period of time and no one bought it, they sent it back and I started the process again. Someone told me about Publish America on Face Book and I went to them. The creating of the book, binding, cover, etc., was done by PA; the selling – getting people  to buy it – was up to me and without a person to help, I SEE myself as a hopeless failure, though my husband totally disagrees and says I ought not to feel or see that way;that the book got to whom it needed to: friends, relatives, etc. I’ve never known him to be wrong  about this kind of thing so I guess it’s ME that needs the work and the patience. I just hope that God opens the door for it to be read, bought and bring in a royalty to help us out before we end up homeless yet again. Naturally, the primary question is WHY SHOULD I BUY FROM YOU and truth be told, there isn’t a reason in the world that you should…But I still hope you will. Hell, you have $20 to go to the movie, you can buy this book (through Amazon). You spend more than that on a bikini wax and this book might just tell you something that you need to know, the information or ideas far beyond anything you can get thinking only of earthly, temporary stuff; give you an idea on how to live that you never considered before. 

I hate selling because I hate pissing contests and you can’t have one without the other. I hate selling because I am just a poor woman, blessed with an incredible family and all I want to do is provide for them; give them a safe place to live and room to run around in. I’m not trying to get rich- could care less about that- wealth has it’s own drawbacks. I’m just trying to provide, that is all.

 Daddy and Ish   


Mom and Ish

I tend to be a self beater.  Self BeatingNot in the physical sense;  in the emotional and psychological sense.Hitler, Mussolini, neither of these men am I (thank God, right?!). They might have been (what we deem to be) evil incarnate, but it wasn’t for a lack of people-power but rather misused powers of persuasion. I don’t have that problem. From the time I could stand, talk, form sentences, I’ve always blended in. When I was child, my sister and I were in foster care. She’s  15 months younger than I am and I was always her protector.  As I grew older, I came to see that “attention” was overrated and started to retreat into myself. I was already getting “disciplined” <i.e. spanked with an inch-thick metal ruler> for sins that I might or might not be guilty of, depending on what it was and I have a very low threshold for pain so NOT being seen was better than BEING seen. As a result of being a foster kid, then an adopted kid with very little ability or permission to vent or release pent-up emotion, I learned to be a “wall flower”. I’m not even 100% sure that’s a bad thing; I only know it won’t help me when  it comes to selling my book(s). I know I have talent-convincing others of it is what the problem is. I don’t stand out in any particular way. Maybe this is destiny; maybe it’s just the way it is but I’ll never know unless I try. I have two primary things in my favor: I’m a child of God, fully assured of my salvation even though I don’t deserve it and I’m stubborn as hell. When I decide to do something, I’ll keep doing it, visible rewards or not. 

I’ll end this with a dare: I dare you to visit my webpage and sign the guestbook…I really do dare you. I will get back a hold of you, I promise. http://hijoyhameed.webs.com/ is the address.  See you there! I-Love_U1

You can’t lead people to the Lord

You can not lead people to the Lord, effectively, if you are only preaching to the choir or by surrounding yourself only with those you see every week and hoping that some will come in who have not been scarred by Christians who prove to be unsympathetic, unemphatic and arrogant.

<Disclaimer: all verses in this post are KJV- sorry if it’s not the easiest to read but can always be looked up in your choice of translation>

Jesus told his disciples, in Matthew 28:19-20, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world, Amen.

What he said was to go out (be proactive), not (as we are inclined to do today) sit in your church, week after week, preaching the same tired message to the same tired church, get their tithe (because giving outside the church is apparently unthinkable) and go out the door into the world, promptly (for most) forgetting what was preached (and not too worried about it, because after all, I’m saved, therefore I’m SAFE). Best not be too arrogant!

It’s no secret, to those who know me, that I’m anti-denominational, though I must confess this is the first time I’ve actually written this particular sentiment in this particular way. That’s right- ANTI-DENOMINATIONAL– why? Because when Jesus went out among the people; he went to everyone, he didn’t discriminate about whom he kept company with. Harlots, beggars, liars, party people, Pharisees, etc. He healed the Roman Centurion’s son just as quickly as he healed the man in the temple with a withered hand. Please don’t misunderstand me, I understand WHY denominations occur- that’s not the issue. The issue is that the Church, as a corporate enterprise, has become so obsessed with their doctrines and therefore the errors of the other’s doctrines (when doctrine becomes more important than SCRIPTURE, there’s a serious problem- the evidence is in the infighting).  How can two churches say they love God but apparently hate each other? There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling: One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and IN YOU ALL” Ephesians 4: 4-6

A friend of mine shared this picture with me today, a quotation by Charles H. Spurgeon that seems very applicable in what I see in the church today:

I suppose it could be argued that this is the way it’s supposed to happen; but is it? Yes, Jesus is coming back- that’s prophesy and therefore unchangeable but does that mean that we’re supposed to just sit back and let things happen because, after all, it’s inevitable? Of course not! What kind of sense does that make? We’re to keep working- keep going out amongst the wolves, to have God bring the lambs to us for safekeeping and training to go out and replicate what we’ve (through the training, Scriptures and most importantly, being a living example) taught them

Sadly, that’s not what’s happening. What’s happening, since the Church got in bed with the government, is that more and more  Churches have lowered their standards- performing same sex marriage, backing one political party because it’s “pro life”, etc.

Remember this is a secular world- so the rules that the government go by and the rules the God’s people go by are going to collide-it’s inevitable. Within the WORLD, none of those things are considered WRONG if they are LEGAL- nor should they be. According to faith in God, the church should not be promoting what God has, through Scripture, made plain is sin- homosexuality, murder, etc. Nor should the church be promoting political parties (nothing wrong with personal views- that’s nature and would make us automatons if we didn’t have some view point) based purely on a single subject, the favorite seeming to be the pro-life aspect.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m pro life all day long. I do not believe in abortion- I’m diametrically opposed to it for any reason but I’m not going to sit here and tell others not to do it. In my view, the resulting baby from any sexual encounter, didn’t ask to be concieved and it’s murder to kill it no matter how many ways hairs are split to explain away conception and viability of life. Put into a position to witness to one struggling with this, I would have to curtail my own feelings and views on it and encourage the mother to think about it from all angles and not do anything in a rash manor, but, in the end, I don’t answer for them, only for what my part is in whoever’s path I cross-or that crosses mine. If I do that and they opt to abort their child, it’s not on my hands- that’s their decision and it’s still covered by the grace of God if and when that woman comes to saving knowledge of Christ. As long as there is life, there is breath, there is HOPE. We, as people, have a terrible propensity for thinking that we have it all figured out, the problem being that the Scriptures are so much bigger than that. I Corinthians 6:12 says, “ALL things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient; all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any“. I find it very interesting that I’ve been listening to sermons for some 30 years now and have never and I repeat never heard this section preached. If there’s a sermon out there with it in it, it’s either glossed over, preached incorrectly or not preached at all. Why? Because that takes power of the individual life out of the church’s hand. Preachers are paid to preach just as welders are paid to weld. It’s a job; perhaps a “higher calling” job but a job nonetheless.

Let me tell you something- there are people in this world called to preach…and there are people in this world who preach every week, sometimes for years, who have no business being behind the pulpit and who are standing with their backs to their true calling, whatever it might be. A monumental problem with this world is that we’ve been programmed for years to believe that this preacher MUST be qualified because he went through Seminary and learned Hebrew and Greek and can recite Bible verses and Catechisms and drop Jesus name every Tuesday and it simply is not that way in too many cases. I hate to be the one to bring this up (actually not really- time is too short for cow-pucky) but the DEVIL believes in God, he’s more active in the church than anywhere else and he knows all that stuff too. James 2:19 says, “Thou believest that there is one God: thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble”. At the core of everyone on planet earth’s souls, there is a war going on- God calling; people either accepting or denying. Right now there is grace but a time is coming, and (in my view) now is, when the “lines of demarcation” are being drawn and the wheat is starting to be separated from the chaff.

Our mission, as people of The Way (I have gotten to the point where I shudder at the term “Christian” these days), is to go out, to, “Preach the gospel at all times and, use words when necessary.”(Words of Francis of Assisi). I think that’s fairly self explanatory but maybe it’s just me. Our mission is to help those who can not help themselves, particularly when children are involved. There’s no excuse for children to be homeless and hungry, not if the church is doing their job and paying attention. There’s enough money- that’s not an issue. With pastors driving around in brand new cars and bragging about it (“pastors” like Creflo Dollar and Frederick Price, for example), sucking money from people making minimum wage in their jobs and trying to raise a family on that, there’s no possible way you can convince me- much less God-that there’s not enough money to take care of those who need to be taken care of. If I, who am homeless, can do my best to help any in need whether it’s convenient or not (not just money- time, a listening ear, whatever I can give) what is their excuse? I should be able to run to any church and tell them my situation and expect it to be dealt with- I’m not talking about people with mental illness and bad decision making (though they need Jesus just as badly as I do, if not more), I’m talking about a bad economy and job loss and unemployment running out- materialistic type of stuff I had no control over. And my situation isn’t even unique- thousands of families across the country are going through the exact same thing as we are-and having just as hard a time; most of whom are totally ignored by the church, no matter how many times they are contacted and why? Because I’m not a “member” of any of them- the fact that we’re supposedly members of the CHURCH (the BODY of CHRIST) is completely ignored. Shelters operated by “Christian principles” who separate fathers from their kids, husbands from their wives- what kind of crap is this? What part of “What God has joined together, let no man separate” is hard to understand? Mark 10:9

The church building should be like a train station: we’re (as individuals) the conductor; it’s our job to go here and there and live <and all that entails as we come into contact with people daily>. The church building should be used as a stopping point for us, as people who’ve lived and healed and given of ourselves all week, to come, get refreshed, get the physical materials needed and go back out and continue our work. Imagine the Red Cross’s effectiveness if they didn’t go WHERE THE NEED IS and just stood at one location and expected victims of natural disasters to COME TO THEM- and they’re on the other side of the country or out of immediate range. What kind of sense would that make?

This isn’t what’s happening. While people were looking the other way or swept up into materialism, conforming to the world, and worrying about fashion statements and robes and who’s choir is better, they stopped paying attention, which is precisely what the devil likes-exactly why I said he does his best work in the church- why does he need to go out into the world when they are in alignment with him? No, his prey is the weakest among us, who claim the name of Christ. We, who have stopped bowing to Christ and started bowing to each other, holding this preacher up or that preacher. Idolatry is rampant in the church- it’s ridiculous how much. Obviously the Catholic church is the biggest pariah of this particular sin but nearly every church is guilty of it. Scripture tells us very clearly, not to have any graven images of “things in heaven and things on earth or things under the earth (The 10 Commandment, Exodus 20; Deuteronomy 5)

What’s this mean? We, as Christians, if we are to remain faithful to this, shouldn’t have images of Christ- at all; we shouldn’t have images of angels- at all; devils either…think about the verse- can you argue that what I say is wrong?

I’m sure by now you’re asking, Who is this and why is she ranting on and on and on? I’ll tell you who I am. I’m a child of the Living God, hopefully the same as you. I’m Heidi Joy Hameed, sister of Jesus the Christ. He gave me authority, he gave me the “gift of gab” and he gave me writing ability and for me not to use ALL of those things are 1) contrary to my nature, 2) a sin not to utilize and 3) make me responsible not only for the content of the things I write (or don’t write) but answerable to God, the Father, if I do not preach what he’s given me to preach, plaque on my wall be damned.

Jeremiah 23:1 says this: “Woe be unto the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture, saith the Lord“. See, it’s a dangerous thing to be a pastor (not that I am calling myself a pastor- that job is God’s though it seems to be the way I’m heading) because a pastor carries a lot of responsibility, which is precisely why I said earlier that you have no business being a pastor if you are not CALLED to be a pastor-why have all these innocent lives in your hand- their growth as children of God, leading them in their spiritual life (leading not putting yokes on their necks telling them what they can and can not do), if you do not have to?

Jeremiah 20:9 says, “Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name: But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” This is me, rolled up in a nutshell.

The most important thing that people have forgotten, those who  claim to represent God, is that they can’t do anything- they can’t save people, they can’t live their lives, they can’t make them come to God through Christ. All they can do is keep putting their spiritual fishing pole in the water and ask God to bring the people He’s chosen to them. It’s God’s job- we’re just the rod- He’s the Fisherman.

I’ve been charged with a message and, to the best of my ability, I’ve delivered it. I feel I should say (though it’s obvious to me, having lived my life and made my mistakes and learned through those mistakes <eventually>) that I’m not coming to anyone as one who has all answers and is now perfect. I’m a stubborn, hard-headed child of God who loves her Father with every breath of her body because she has made so many mistakes, has tripped and fallen over and over again; is whiny and anxious about her homeless situation and STILL believes that her Daddy can do anything- and deliver her as He will.

Peace be to you; I pray that God the Father will give you comfort in your despair, assistance in your troubling environment, whatever it curtails, and fierceness to ride out the storm of life- to navigate the stormy seas of life and to walk determined and strong just as Jesus did so long ago. Learn Jesus. Meet Jesus. Meet the Father who sent Jesus. He’s your brother and coheir with you if you are in him. I hope to meet you in Heaven where we will “know as we are known” 1 Corinthians 13:12.

Books in Progress

I have three books I have been working on over the past, oh, 25 years or so. They are as follows:

Nothing is Impossible: The story of Astor Paris, a neglected young girl of 10, far too old for her age. She is befriended by a restaurant owner one night when she’s missed a few too many meals. Astor has 3 younger siblings that she protects from an alcoholic mother and her long train of boyfriends.

Light Melting Darkness: This story follows a boy named Joseph Trinidad, a righteous young man with a very tender conscience. Joseph has a guardian angel, as do all of us- only he can talk to his- Cherion. This is the story of a future minister and deals with life problems, homelessness and absolute faith in God.

EveInning: Her Darkest Hour This is my only other non-fiction other than View From Within The Spirit and is my view of the church in these last days. Now, I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be but I see death and destruction all around me and  a Church-the body of Christ-doing nothing to go against it, nothing to improve on the lives of the dead and decaying, laying out in the open, waiting to be helped up.